Like Harry Haller I too have stumbled upon my own Magic Theatre, and discovering Steppenwolf turns out to be another grand illusion of my reality. Nothing seems real, yet everything is. I don't know anymore; but even as I say this secretly I think I know more than I will admit.
Since my recent return to the world of things—feet on firm ground—I've hung out more with some mates and even engaged myself in a team sport. They look genuinely happy at my return but a Steppenwolf doubts such joy. I ought to have been guilty of causing distress by my disappearing acts after all; why isn't anybody angry with me? Perhaps I would have felt better if I were given a slap. I am sure I will be happier for it. I demanded the best and worst of people; I am sore that everyone else only want more fun in their lives.
It must then be me: I am an egomaniac. An immature little boy who prefers mama's constant discipline to my own. A failure, insofar as I chose this role so that I can constantly leech off others' goodwill and need not hold myself responsible for my life. So mired in my guilt from existing that I shall rob the world for giving me this life without my permission, and whether I choose to act or not Adam and his apple hangs like a guillotine above me for all time.
Since my recent return to the world of things—feet on firm ground—I've hung out more with some mates and even engaged myself in a team sport. They look genuinely happy at my return but a Steppenwolf doubts such joy. I ought to have been guilty of causing distress by my disappearing acts after all; why isn't anybody angry with me? Perhaps I would have felt better if I were given a slap. I am sure I will be happier for it. I demanded the best and worst of people; I am sore that everyone else only want more fun in their lives.
It must then be me: I am an egomaniac. An immature little boy who prefers mama's constant discipline to my own. A failure, insofar as I chose this role so that I can constantly leech off others' goodwill and need not hold myself responsible for my life. So mired in my guilt from existing that I shall rob the world for giving me this life without my permission, and whether I choose to act or not Adam and his apple hangs like a guillotine above me for all time.
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